With her cloak on, Alice’s character looks a lot like a kind of shady schlong investigator, a sort of meat spear ombudsman, or perhaps someone who is on the Board of Dick Certification (yuuuup, that's a dick, etc). Beefcake men are sunning themselves on the patio with expressions like burly plumbers who have been asked a perplexing maths question. She steps into the spa pools of the hut, which resembles a Norwegian spa I once felt uncomfortable in. I used my friend Alice’s Skyrim account to install schlong mods on it (ha!), so her character, a tall, thin, sinewy woman with a punk haircut enters the Luxury Suite near Whiterun. Perhaps I am just an advocate for all those dicks who fear that they are regular, but with attention and care, they can become heroes.Ī pop up loads: “Outfits and armour successfully schlongified’. Perhaps I am just terrified by dongs that are either big or sad. In the end I went with ‘regular’, although I don’t really know what that says about me. You can choose from three different types of schlong in the settings page (as if those types were the only types), ‘average’ (which I think in the illustration pic moscaddie would go for: it’s black and white and sorta arty-lookin’), ‘regular’ (in which the penis is shown erect - hurray) and ‘muscular’ (which made the erection in the picture have a more pronounced bulk near the base of the shaft). Re: RPS policy on this I suddenly panicked about the amount of dongs that would be visible in the screenshots. We also made use of the mod ‘ Bathing Beefcake Luxury Suite’, a mod inserting a Skyrim beefcake spa near Whiterun, to make it easier to view tadgers with ease. So anyway, in the interest of New Schlong Journalism me and a friend downloaded Schlongs of Skyrim, a mod for Skyrim which frankly just makes large fat growable schlongs available on male NPCs. Or at least get them to cast a cute shadow over exotic environmental art. Surely with the help of the best animators in the world, games would be the best place to give a dick a little something to do.

Perhaps it gives the picture a sense of movement or purpose. Probably most interesting about the site is that the curator, moscaddie, suggests that for maximum sexiness the person possessing said dick holds it or at least caresses it a little for the picture, which gives the dick a less… well, melancholy feel like it’s the loneliest snake in the world (she calls these ‘log’ pictures). I enjoy that website because for some reason dicks, especially erect dicks, are conspicuously absent from our media, including videogames, and I think a good dick pic can certainly be arousing to look at. This week I have been inspired in my work for this column by the magnificent website Critique My Dick Pic, which attempts to rate the erotic quality of dick pics with 100% no size shaming.

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